Though we cannot with complete candor state, as does Professor T., that "the tale grew in the telling," we can allow that this tale (or rather the necessity of hawking it at a bean a copy) grew in direct proportion to the ominous dwindling of our bank accounts at the Harvard Trust in Cambridge, Massachusetts. This loss of turgor in our already emaciated portfolio was not, in itself, cause for alarm (or "alarum" as Professor T. might aptly put it), but the resultant threats and cuffed ears received at the hands of creditors _were_. Thinking long on this, we retired to the reading lounge of our club to meditate on this vicissitude. VIII Schlob's Lair and Other Mountain Resorts III Indigestion at the Sign of the Goode Eats I It's My Party and I'll Snub Who I Want To "I must have it," she said both tenderly and fiercely. "I must have the _Ring!_"įrito's eyes blurred with tears and confusion. "I can't," he said. "I mustn't!"īut he knew resolve was no longer strong in him. Slowly, the elf-maiden's hand inched toward the chain in his vest pocket, closer and closer it came to the Ring Frito had guarded so faithfully . . . She closed her eyes and then opened them to the ceiling. "The Ring," she said. "I must have your Ring."įrito's whole body tensed. "Oh no," he cried, "not that! Anything but . . . that." "Anything," sobbed Frito, growing frantic with his need. "Anything!" The elf-maiden said nothing, but only sighed deep in her throat and held him more firmly to her faunlike body. "There is one thing you must do for me first," she whispered into one tufted ear. "But I'm so small and hairy, and . . . and you're so _beautiful_," Frito whimpered, slipping clumsily out of his crossed garters. "Toes, I _love_ hairy toes," she moaned, forcing him down on the silvered carpet. Her tiny, pink toes caressed the luxuriant fur of his instep while Frito's nose sought out the warmth of her precious elf-navel. "Let me make thee more comfortable," she whispered hoarsely, fiddling with the clasps of his jerkin, loosening his sword belt with a laugh. "Touch me, oh _touch me_," she crooned.įrito's hand, as though of its own will, reached out and traced the delicate swelling of her elf-breast, while the other slowly crept around her tiny, flawless waist, crushing her to his barrel chest. She slipped off the flimsy garment and strode toward the fascinated boggie unashamed of her nakedness. She ran a perfect hand along his hairy toes, and he helplessly watched them curl with the fierce insistent wanting of her. "Do you like what you doth see . . . ?" said the voluptuous elf-maiden as she provocatively parted the folds of her robe to reveal the rounded, shadowy glories within. Frito's throat was dry, though his head reeled with desire and ale. THE SURPRISING SHEEP AND OTHER MIND EXCURSIONS The smash-hit long-playing album of hilarious rock parodies featuring the Surprising Cerf. HARVARD LAMPOON Parodies in the Not-So-Great SeriesĪlso Available in the HARVARD LAMPOON Series Other HARVARD LAMPOON Parodies in the Great Books Series Published by Roc, an imprint of New American Library, a division of Penguin Books USA Inc. Previously published in a Signet edition. Illustration on page 66 by Peter W. Johnson BORED OF THE RINGS, A Parody of J.R.R. Tolkein's The Lord of the Ringsīy Henry N. Beard and Douglas C. Kenney of The Harvard LampoonĬopyright The Harvard Lampoon, Inc., 1969
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